Ideas are everywhere around us, as long as you’re observant. Have you heard that before? Well, I’ve come to believe it’s true. I began writing this book with one idea—the theme of redemption and unpredictable repercussions of even the smallest choices. 

I.D. – 31 August 2024

The Back Flap

What would you do…?

…when it turns out that what you wanted and aspired to is not what you imagined?
…when you can’t discern the right path in a maze of options?
… when all the choices you made in the belief that they were right and necessary, even in an attempt to help, were wrong and actually hurt someone?
…when uncovering the truth and reconciling with your conscience means hurting someone?

A novel blending elements from various genres, interwoven with social and philosophical themes that explore the enigmatic nature of humanity. The characters, driven by circumstances and personal ambitions, reach the limits of their mental resilience and belief in the healing of their emotional wounds. The fates of these unyielding, complex personas are entwined in a dynamic and multilayered plot. Drawn by their desires towards a stormy confrontation with a domino effect, each faces difficult, life-affirming choices and undergoes their own personal catharsis.

About the book

What is the book about?

It’s a story about redemption and the unpredictable repercussions of even the smallest choices.

This is a story about redemption and the unforeseen consequences of even the smallest choices. However, there are sub-themes that I believe will capture the attention of many and provoke thought: when, and to what extent, does the end justify the means? What if what you’ve been striving for turns out not to be what you wanted or needed? How do you evaluate the choices you make, and how certain can you be that they’re the right ones? What if finding the truth you need, and reconciling with your conscience, means hurting someone? When do you put yourself before others, and when do you put others before yourself? What is the meaning of the struggles everyone faces, both big and small? Are they worth it? What is the influence of money on a person, and when does it lose its value?

When did you start writing the book?

I’m struggling to answer this question because I’m not sure when exactly to start counting… Let’s say, a long time ago, years ago. For me, it was a long process, but I don’t regret it because I learned so much. I improved both my writing and the book itself—in terms of plot, structure, depth in exploring the themes, as well as the motivation and psychology of the characters.

How long did it take you to write it?

Let me be honest—it took me quite a while to finish, but it wasn’t the writing itself that slowed me down. It was the moments when I self-sabotaged. I think many people might relate to this—you doubt your own abilities, despite the praise and encouraging feedback you receive, even from authorities in the field. I suppose my desire to give the best also contributed to the delay. Otherwise, I might have finished it much sooner. I don’t know if it’s related, but I completed the more extensive edits after I gave birth to my daughter :). I managed to complete the edits in three months

Where did you get the idea from?

Ideas are everywhere around us, as long as you’re observant. Have you heard that before? Well, I’ve come to believe it’s true. I began writing this book with one idea—the theme of redemption and unpredictable repercussions of even the smallest choices.

The idea struck me years ago when, as a journalist, I was conducting interviews with underage youth serving sentences for various offenses—ranging from theft to murder. That’s when the idea for ‘I didn’t mean to’ started to take shape. One of the boys I interviewed coined the phrase, but it could be seen as an unintentional summary of all the interviews. They didn’t mean to do what they did, they would say. It happened almost in an instant, as an uncontrollable consequence of unforeseen circumstances. But what has happened is a fact.

In Bulgarian, ‘I didn’t mean to’ is often used by children when they want to excuse their actions. The young people I interviewed were between 14 and 17 years old. You could say they were still children, which is why they would say ‘I didn’t mean to.’ Children, but old enough to commit horrifying crimes.

At the time, that struck me deeply. I started the book. As I mentioned, I went through a long process where I developed sub-themes of the main theme or added others related to it. I think the ideas for them stemmed from one another as I wrote. For me, the driving questions have always been: To what extent do we have control over events? Do we cause them entirely ourselves, or do some happen on their own, beyond our control? How far can the influence of a single choice extend? I’m referring to the sensitive dependence—often known as the butterfly effect. Why does someone do what they do? What motivates them? How are they wired? What shaped them into who they are? To what extent have their environment, experiences, and others influenced them, and to what extent are their decisions entirely their own, reasoned out in their own way? The answers to these and other similar questions led to new ideas, sub-themes, the development of new aspects of the characters in the book, and a deepening of their psychology.

Were there any parts of the book where you struggled?

I think the factual details were what challenged me. Since some of my characters are involved in criminal activities, it required some brief yet engaging research, such as on customs checkpoints.

What came easily?

I’d like to share something interesting. Considering the duration of the process, the deep dive into the psychology of the characters, and so on, a secondary character—Spaska—whom I put the least effort into, almost as if her story flowed effortlessly on its own, has become a favorite among everyone who has read the book.

At first glance, she appears to be a comedic character, but as you follow her, a sense of drama becomes evident. This is a character that you either love or hate from paragraph to paragraph. Spaska makes you laugh with her unfounded self-confidence and arrogance, then astonishes you with her ability to remain oblivious to even obvious dangers and humiliations. Next, she shocks you with her own fabricated moral compass, which allows her to thrive in the way she has decided is most likely to achieve her goals

Are your characters entirely fictitious or have you borrowed from real world people you know?

The characters are mostly fictional, but I admit that some aspects of their traits are drawn from people I know or have met and who have impressed me in some way. For example, their reasoning, reactions, and mannerisms. Additionally, some of the everyday situations Spaska encounters in her new temporary home, such as those in the student dormitory, are based on real experiences—either my own or those of my friends.

We all know how important it is for writers to read. Are there any particular authors that have influenced how you write and, if so, how have they influenced you?

Gillian Flynn captivates with the depth of her characters’ psychology and their emotional complexities, as well as her attention to detail—which has always fascinated me.

Thomas Harris—amazing authenticity in the plot, chilling Hannibal, and a detailed, credible depiction of settings and circumstances that reveals thorough research…

John Steinbeck’s writing is like music; his characters are so vivid. Often, when Steinbeck is mentioned, East of Eden and Of Mice and Men are highlighted. I also value them, but I believe that Steinbeck’s works The Grapes of Wrath—a book that made me cry—and Tortilla Flat—a book that had me laughing until my stomach hurt, though it also contains underlying drama—are equally significant.

Vonnegut, Tolstoy… and many others.

Do you have a target reader?

Honestly, I didn’t write the book with such a concept in mind. I know that these days it’s considered beneficial to do so, but I’m not entirely fond of the idea of writing according to what a specific type of reader might want to read. It seems to me that writing from the heart should attract the right readers for my book

About Writing

Do you have a writing process? If so can you please describe it?

I don’t have a strictly established process but based on advice from established writers and what I’ve personally confirmed, it’s a matter of writing, writing, revising, and writing some more. During the actual writing process, I sit down and write, even if I’m tired or uncertain whether it’s turning out as I want or if I’m guiding the character in the right direction. The next day, I revise and continue writing. It might turn out better. I repeat this until it works. So, writing. And reading. Sometimes, I overcome writer’s block in the writing process or with a short walk, spending time with friends, or reading a favorite book. That’s when inspiration finds its way back

Do you outline? If so, do you do so extensively or just chapter headings and a couple of sentences?

I believe this depends on the author. Some work better and faster with outline, while others work without one. I am a combination of both. I started the book without an outline. Later, after developing the characters and the plot—at least in broad terms—I created a chapter outline. This helped facilitate the revisions and corrections I made afterwards.

Do you edit as you go or wait until you’ve finished?

Both. It helps me clarify the motivations, actions, and psychology of the characters, as well as their relationships with one another. Additionally, I don’t feel at ease if I’m not completely satisfied with the pages I have.

Did you hire a professional editor?

Yes, I should mention that the editor I worked with is a friend of mine. I asked her to read the book and provide objective feedback. She gave me advice on some corrections. Later, when I sent the manuscript to a publisher in my country, Bulgaria, I received the same encouraging feedback, as well as two additional suggestions for minor corrections. Both times, I made the corrections myself—deciding how to incorporate them into the plot.

I must also highlight the significant contribution of my book’s translator, Violeta Todorova, who worked with me on editing the English text.

Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what gets the fingers tapping?

Sometimes, but I can’t think of a specific song

About Publishing

Did you submit your work to Agents?

In my home country, Bulgaria, where I live, there are no literary agents. The market is too small. I haven’t reached out to any abroad either. I just decided to proceed on my own with Amazon.

What made you decide to go Indie, whether self-publishing or with an indie publisher? Was it a particular event or a gradual process?

I’ve already mentioned that the market in my country is small. The publishing house from which I received positive feedback—even quite encouraging—didn’t go further. Their sales department insisted that the trend this year was different. I don’t think I’m an author who could write well according to trends. Or at least not as well as if I write from the heart, guided by themes I consider important, even if they are outside a current trend. I decided to publish my book on Amazon, as I felt the chances of a literary agent abroad paying attention to it were slim. I’m not sure if I’m right, since I haven’t tried it. I just decided to give my book a chance to find its right readers.

Did you get your book cover professionally done or did you do it yourself?

I worked with a professional, also a close friend, Vasilena Manolakeva, with whom I combined our ideas. I think we created a beautiful cover that perfectly illustrates the theme of my book. Vasilena also created the illustrations within the book. She is a wonderful and talented artist. It turns out I was surrounded by the right people—whether by chance or not, they are also my close friends. They embraced my book wholeheartedly, worked dedicatedly, and put in all their creativity and effort to achieve the final version of my book. I am very grateful to them and feel fortunate to have such friends.

Not least, I want to highlight the support of my husband. Like my friends, he supports and believes in me, even in moments when I do not believe in myself. My husband greatly assisted with the technical aspects of the process.

Do you have a marketing plan for the book or are you just winging it?

I am still working on a marketing plan, so I can’t boast about having one or share any experience that might be useful to someone. Otherwise, I would be happy to do so. I hope to find the right path and to help other authors who are starting out with their own efforts but are driven by inspiration and a passion for writing and books.

Any advice that you would like to give to other newbies considering becoming Indie authors?

Research the steps you need to take. Don’t be overwhelmed by the number of them. You will get through them, as long as you start with the first one :).

About You

Where did you grow up?

I was born in a small town—Pleven, Bulgaria.

Where do you live now?

I have been living in Sofia, the capital of Bulgaria, for over 15 years.

What would you like readers to know about you?

I want them to know that I write with my heart. I am sincere in my writing. I am not trying to ‘trick’ or ‘mislead’ them with the plot. I strive to put in all my potential and find the best possible options so that the final product—my book—meets high standards.

What are you working on now?

I have an idea, somewhat developed, for a second book. Although I haven’t written a single line yet, the theme and main characters are quite vivid in my mind. 🙂  The lead character is a quirky individual, and the theme—I believe—is captivating and not overexposed. I am also working on a marketing plan for this book.

End of Interview.

For more from I.D., follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

Get your copy of I Didn’t Mean to, But … from Amazon US or Amazon UK.