I began to wonder if I could write an entire book about my own life in romance. Then I had an idea for a memoir, framed by the fictional romances that formed my early notions of love and were often contradicted by my experience.

Susan Ostrov – 22 July 2024

The Back Flap

This is not your usual memoir – much less a typical love story. Loveland is about the unfolding of unmet expectations, of shattered childhood dreams, of tenderness found unexpectedly; it is the uncovering of different layers of one’ s self, relationship after relationship. The rationale for understanding the engineering of love, in its infinite nuances, comes through the framework of literature. Books shape our perceptions: their characters set parameters, their stories create paradigms, and we live by them forever. If you’ re interested in a different vision of happily-ever-after, this is the book for you.

About the book

What is the book about?

Loveland explores what happens when a feminist who studies romance turns the lens on her own romantic adventures as a woman. This memoir tells my love stories but with a twist — the narrative is there to make you think about the issues women face in romance, often rules held over from Victorian days when men and women had very different roles.

When did you start writing the book?

I began writing it in 2018, when I had a sabbatical from my university.

How long did it take you to write it?

Five or six years. I’m a fast writer, but once the words are down, I need to revise many, MANY times before I am satisfied. Actually, I’m never satisfied with what I’ve written and would still be revising if my editor had not stopped me!

Where did you get the idea from?

As a literature professor who studies classic and popular romance, I had published four scholarly books on women and romantic love in literature. Then in 2018, I published an article contrasting my own idea of romance with the view of an older married woman who’d been the subject of research I’d done, and whose romantic life was very different from mine (“Feminist Researcher Wishes to Meet Romantic Subject: The “Case” of Mrs. F.”).

It was the first time I’d published writing in the first person and told stories about my own experience. I began to wonder if I could write an entire book about my own life in romance. Then I had an idea for a memoir, framed by the fictional romances that formed my early notions of love and were often contradicted by my experience.

Were there any parts of the book where you struggled?

I found it challenging to be objective about the men in my life, trying to understand where they were coming from, rather than just blaming or criticizing. It’s definitely hard to be objective in a memoir.

Also, since I’ve had a career as a professional scholar, it was difficult to braid my very personal stories with the romantic novels and movies I write about. I’m used to analysis and argument, and I worried about how much of this there should be.

What came easily?

Writing comes easily to me in general – I never have writer’s block! I’ve always written a great deal, in my journal and in my profession. Happily, since Loveland is a memoir, my journal, going back decades, was an invaluable source as to how I thought about my life from a young age. Then a few years ago, I had a retirement party, and a dear old friend brought all the letters she’d received from me since we were teenagers, as a gift. Those letters were also very helpful in recalling what I’d said and done at a time when my memory is not sharp.

Are your characters entirely fictitious or have you borrowed from real world people you know?

A memoir is non-fiction, and I am scrupulous about being as honest as I can be. I love memoirs, and as a reader, I like to know that the author is sticking to the truth, no matter how unpleasant. Wherever I could take dialogue from my journal, I copied it verbatim.

We all know how important it is for writers to read. Are there any particular authors that have influenced how you write and, if so, how have they influenced you?

My inspiration has always been female authors who make you think about women’s lives, especially nineteenth-century novelists like Jane Austen, the Brontes, and George Eliot. I love Austen for her wit and clarity, the Brontes for their passion and vivid language, and Eliot for her profound intelligence. I reference Jane Austen and all the Brontes so often in my book that my editor pleaded with me to rein in the number of comments on them!

In the modern era, memoirists like Joan Didion, Jeanette Winterson, and Annie Ernaux have influenced this book in particular. Annie Ernaux, who won the Nobel Prize in 2022, is especially dear to me because she’s never afraid to say what she feels in describing passion, and doesn’t portray herself as either heroine or victim.

Do you have a target reader?

My target readers are women (though men are welcome too!) who’d be attracted to a book about women’s relationship to romantic love, especially one with a fresh approach that combines memoir with arguments about romance, dating, marriage, monogamy, adultery, and the value of passion.

About Writing

Do you have a writing process? If so can you please describe it?

Writing as a scholar, I always began with research about the idea I wanted to write about. My last academic book was The Glass Slipper: Women and Love Stories, whereas with Loveland I began with personal and intimate stories. In fact, Loveland is both a story and is also filled with storytelling: my mother’s, my own, the books I read in childhood, the great literature of love I discovered in adolescence, and the myths of culture that become deep-seated beliefs.

My first chapter, “Childhood,” bores down to the roots from which the rest of my life in romance would grow, branch out, and eventually, burst forth. The love story of my parents, Betty and Al, set the cornerstone for my own love life. Meanwhile, my childhood reading stamped the look, demeanor, and character of the heroine I wanted to be, and the life plot I could expect to have.

From there, I divided each stage of my love life from childhood to older woman as separate chapters (Dating, Marriage, Passion, and so on), since our ideas of love often evolve as we grow.

I have a favorite place to write, the same one I’ve been using since I wrote my doctoral dissertation there decades ago: the elegant and stately library at Columbia University. It would be convenient to write at home, but it’s too distracting, as are cafes. At this huge library, I have silence, which is necessary for me, but I’m also surrounded by others who are working, which helps for some reason. And If I need to do research, all the resources are right there. This is the place where I get into the zone, and time passes with incredible swiftness.

Do you outline? If so, do you do so extensively or just chapter headings and a couple of sentences?

I don’t outline in the traditional sense. I begin with chapter headings and collect notes for ideas, or write random bits of paragraphs, even single sentences, that come to mind for each chapter. When I’m ready to write that chapter, I sort all those notes in order, and it just flows from there.

Do you edit as you go or wait until you’ve finished?

I constantly revise sentences, paragraphs, and sections immediately after writing them, and multiple times. Then when I’ve finished a chapter, that gets edited many times as well. In fact, I never move on to writing the next chapter without rereading and editing the previous one, for consistency. When the manuscript was done, I reread and edited the whole many times over before submitting it anywhere.

Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what gets the fingers tapping?

I always marvel at people who can write while listening to music…I need absolute silence in order to focus intensely.

About Publishing

Did you submit your work to Agents?

Yes, and some loved the idea and/or my writing voice, but were worried that my memoir is also about books and is opinionated, sometimes in unconventional ways. In the end, I had better success with independent publishers.

What made you decide to go Indie, whether self-publishing or with an indie publisher? Was it a particular event or a gradual process?

It was a process of realizing, after feedback from a number of agents, that in order to sell Loveland to an agent, I would have to change my vision of the book. One top-level agent made it clear that she might be interested in my book if it were simply memoir, or else an “expert” study of romantic love, but not a combination of both. I wanted to publish the book I’d envisioned, and Indie presses were more welcoming of a less conventional form. I think I made the right decision.

Did you get your book cover professionally done or did you do it yourself?

My indie publisher, Blackwater Press, uses a professional who works with the author and editor, from the color to the images. We planned it together, which was very satisfying.

Do you have a marketing plan for the book or are you just winging it?

Professors, and especially retired professors, are not known for having a lot of money to spend, so I am mostly doing what I can on my own, at least so far.

Any advice that you would like to give to other newbies considering becoming Indie authors?

Sometimes an agent or editor who rejects your manuscript will give you feedback as to what you could improve, and that can be invaluable (though it’s their opinion, so sometimes not).  But the best advice I had was from writers’ groups on Facebook and individual friends who are writers, as well as a freelance developmental editor I hired to cut down my tendency to wordiness. Then too, I am by nature a very persistent person when I want to do something, and I think persistence, while no guarantee, is a quality that helps any author. I had many moments when I thought all my efforts would not work out…but went on with it anyway.

About You

Where did you grow up?

I’m a proud citizen of New York City, born and raised in Brooklyn. I’ve also lived in Chicago, New Jersey, South Carolina, and Spain.

Where do you live now?

I’ve been holed up here in Manhattan for some decades now and have no desire to live elsewhere. I love the museums, parks, theater, dance, and films, so many restaurants of so many ethnicities, and the beautiful diversity of people in New York City. You can never be bored here.

What would you like readers to know about you?

I have three children and six grandchildren, and I’m close to all of them. My profession, teaching literature, was the perfect fit for me, and one of the best choices in my life. Now that I’m an older woman, this is the time for me to reflect on why my life turned out the way it did. Romance has always fascinated me, and this book was my opportunity to dig deeply into how I became a romantic, what that meant to me, and why romantic love has always had such a deep allure in my life and the lives of many other women.

What are you working on now?

Since writing Lovelad, I’ve published some personal essays, “I Am My Longing,” in Memoir Magazine, and “Not Jane Eyre’s Story,” in the essay collection Gray Love: Stories of Dating over Sixty. Another essay, “I Now Pronounce You…Whatever You Two Are,” will be published in a forthcoming collection, as yet untitled, about unconventional relationships. The latter essay is a humor piece, a fictional letter to a future boyfriend!

When Loveland is published in July, I hope to keep up a blog on my new website in process for the book.

End of Interview:

For more from Susan Ostrov, visit her website.

Get your copy of Loveland from Amazon US or Amazon UK.