This book differs from the first two in that one of the featured cases – involving the collapse of a well-known cryptocurrency company – leads to a class action lawsuit that is an entirely appropriate use of the class action mechanism.
T.C. Morrison – 16 September 2023
The Back Flap
Patrick A. Peters (“Pap”) and Prescott U. Peters (“Pup”), the fearless tort lawyers whose zany exploits delighted readers of Tort$ “R” Us and Please Pass the Tort$, return with yet another round of legal mayhem guaranteed to make you laugh until you cry. Their latest antics include a lawsuit on behalf of consumers who bought what turned out to be worthless crypto currency from the now bankrupt FUX; lawsuits challenging the labeling of Godiva Belgian Chocolates and a Vermont company’s ice cream purportedly made from the milk of “happy cows”; and yet another lawsuit on behalf of the unforgettable Lydia Lowlace, who’s image from Playboy is now part of a collection of non-fungible tokens sold by an off-shore start-up.
About the book
What is the book about?
This book, Send in the Tort Lawyer$, is the third in a series of farcical novels about lawyers. The first, Tort$ “R” Us, introduced twin brothers Patrick A. Peters (“Pap”) and Prescott U. Peters (“Pup”), successful lawyers with prominent New York City law firms, who leave their respective firms to start up a new firm devoted to representing plaintiffs in class action lawsuits. They believed (correctly) that this would be more fun and more lucrative than their prior practices.
Pap and Pup then embark on a series of riotous cases representing a collection of wacky clients in bizarre class action lawsuits tried in front of perplexed (and sometimes bizarre) judges. The first book was followed by Please Pass the Tort$, which continued the brothers’ madcap legal escapades with a new group of zany clients, and one holdover client from the first book, the unforgettable Lydia Lowlace, a former lap dancer turned Playboy Centerfold who is forever being ripped off by unscrupulous businessmen who attempt to capitalize on her beauty and fame.
All the cases in Book 1 and most in Book 2 – including a lawsuit to free all the chimpanzees in the Bronx Zoo – are takeoffs on actual U.S. legal cases. Both books use humor to show that many class action cases are an abuse of the class action system in that they involve dubious “harms” to the plaintiffs while the resulting settlements guarantee lots of money for the lawyers and little for the plaintiffs. Nevertheless, the books are not intended as a scholarly indictment of the class action system. Rather they utilize the abuses of the class action system for purposes of farce, with laughs coming fast and furious in every encounter between the lawyers, their colleagues, their clients, and the hapless judges presiding over their cases. For most readers, the highlights are always the courtroom, or occasionally deposition, scenes featuring zany testimony and legal arguments never heard in any actual courtroom.
Send in the Tort Lawyer$ continues the saga with yet another series of zany clients and bizarre cases, including yet another lawsuit on behalf of Lydia, who’s Playboy image has now been used, without her permission, in a set if nonfungible tokens celebrating a year’s worth of Playboy Centerfolds. This book differs from the first two in that one of the featured cases – involving the collapse of a well-known cryptocurrency company – leads to a class action lawsuit that is an entirely appropriate use of the class action mechanism. Moreover, the facts in the real-life cryptocurrency case were so bizarre that no embellishment was necessary to generate humor – I changed names and concocted a clever class action lawsuit, but I stuck with the actual facts without having to embellish them to generate humor.
When did you start writing the book?
I began reviewing the materials I had collected since Book 2 last year, in the week between Christmas and New Years. Ironically, it was at this very time that news of the collapse of FTX, the cryptocurrency company, was in the news virtually every day.
How long did it take you to write it?
I started writing in January; being a lawyer who began practicing in the mid-1960’s, I still write everything in pencil on a legal pad, actually dozens of legal pads. I finished by mid-June. Alas, much of that time was devoted to inputting the handwritten manuscript onto my computer and then correcting the scores of typos that appeared on every page.
Where did you get the idea from?
I practiced law for 50 years, 45 of them as a litigator trying cases and arguing appeals around the country. So I had a fairly deep knowledge of lawyers, judges and American litigation in general. I had always wanted to write a novel, so when I was a year away from retirement I began thinking of how to use my legal background to write a novel. From the start I wanted it to be a funny satire, in fact a farce; I had no desire to write yet another legal thriller or a “serious” book about the law that no one would read.
Were there any parts of the book where you struggled?
The biggest struggle was with Book 1. I felt I needed to develop the background of Pap and Pup so that readers understood who they were before they formed their class action firm and began engaging in legal mayhem. The struggle was to tell the story of their early years in a way that matched the humor and satire in the rest of the book once they took up their new class action career.
What came easily?
Writing up the episodes in the bizarre cases with zany clients and exasperated judges that fill all three books was not really a struggle, it was fun. I scan the papers – particularly the New York Post which has a knack for uncovering bizarre stories – every day. When I see a story about an amusing legal development, I cut it out and keep it in a file of ideas for future stories. Given an amusing case in real life, turning it into a farcical case for Pap and Pup to pursue is relatively easy.
Are your characters entirely fictitious or have you borrowed from real world people you know?
Almost all of the cases in all three books are based on or inspired by real legal cases. While the books all have a few references to real life people (with disguised names) – such as former President Trump who is referenced in Books 1 and 3 – virtually all the characters are fictional. The one exception is an expert witness who appears in Book 3 and is based on an expert who was frequently retained by my adversaries in trademark and advertising cases.
We all know how important it is for writers to read. Are there any particular authors that have influenced how you write and, if so, how have they influenced you?
Joseph Heller. I read his Catch-22 (set in the Army Air Corps during World War II) on my way to Korea where I spent a year while in the Air Force Judge Advocate General Corps. I was blown away by his ability to generate farce in virtually every situation and encounter, including the names of every character in the novel. My objective was to try to bring that level of farce to my books about the world of American litigation.
Do you have a target reader?
Anyone looking for a good laugh. But I’m realistic enough to recognize that the readers most likely to find the books amusing are probably readers 50 and older. While lawyers, both practicing and retired, will have an obvious interest in the books, I don’t believe their appeal is limited to lawyers; lots of non-lawyers have expressed wild enthusiasm for the books.
About Writing
Do you have a writing process? If so can you please describe it?
As mentioned above, I write everything out in longhand with #2 pencils on legal pads (scores of pads per book). I then input the manuscript onto my computer – that is by far the hardest part of the process. Once on the computer, I edit and re-edit and re-edit some more.
Do you outline? If so, do you do so extensively or just chapter headings and a couple of sentences?
No. What I do is identify the four or five new legal cases that will form the core of each book. Once I’ve done that, it’s a matter of figuring out the order in which the cases should arise and how to move from developments in one case to developments in another. I do that by making each chapter part of a linear chronology of the work of the lawyers in Pap and Pup’s firm.
Do you edit as you go or wait until you’ve finished?
Constant editing, a practice I developed when I was writing briefs for 45 years. I edit the pencil manuscript before I input it on the computer – which is extremely messy and hard for me to even figure out what I changed and where it goes. Then, once two or three new chapters are on the computer, I edit them. And then, once the entire book is on the computer, I edit it two or three times. After my publisher sends me the “typeset” version of the book, I read through it again and always find several things to correct or change.
Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what gets the fingers tapping?
The only music I listen to is classical music. So, I’m always playing classical CDs while I work; no dramatic symphonies and no operas, that would be distracting. So I primarily play Baroque (Bach, Handel, Vivaldi) -or Chamber Music or Classical era works (Mozart, Haydn, etc.).
About Publishing
Did you submit your work to Agents?
I sent Queries for Book 1 to numerous agents but they all said my book didn’t “fit” with the list they were developing. Once I found a publisher, I sent the next two books directly to him.
What made you decide to go Indie, whether self-publishing or with an indie publisher? Was it a particular event or a gradual process?
I knew John Coby, the owner of J. Boylston & Company, Publishers, from some legal work I did for him during my final years of practice.
Did you get your book cover professionally done or did you do it yourself?
The publisher hired an artist to do the covers for Book 1 and Book 3. For Book 2, my social media consultant hired an artist and she and I worked with the artist to get what we wanted.
Do you have a marketing plan for the book or are you just winging it?
“Winging it” would not be smart. I used a traditional Washington, DC public relations firm for Books 1 and 2. For Book 3, I am working with Books Forward, which specializes in PR for authors.
Any advice that you would like to give to other newbies considering becoming Indie authors?
I’m sure there are tons of agents, authors and consultants who could provide much more useful advice than me.
About You
Where did you grow up?
Columbus, Ohio where I went to public schools and then college at nearby Otterbein College (now Otterbein University). I did not come east until I received a scholarship to NYU Law School. While at NYU, I had a summer internship at a major New York City law firm and, except for four years in the USAF, I spent my entire professional career in New York.
Where do you live now?
Lakeville, Connecticut, which is part of Salisbury, a quintessential small New England town. I discovered this part of CT when I had a trial up here some 40 years ago.
What would you like readers to know about you?
I have been fortunate to live the American dream, coming from a small church-related college in central Ohio to practicing for 45 years with three major New York law firms, which enabled me to try cases and argue appeals for numerous major corporations throughout the country. And now being able to turn that experience into writing satirical novels about my profession, I am truly blessed.
What are you working on now?
I am thinking about a fourth installment in the Pap and Pup saga. At the suggestion of my computer consultant, I am starting to look into AI issues. For example, an AI-created “attorney” has already been named to the “Best 100 Attorneys” list. This could be ripe for humorous exploitation.
End of Interview:
For more from T.C. Morrison visit his website.
Get your copy of Send in The Tort Lawyer$ from Amazon US or Amazon UK.