That’s always been an important goal for me, making my reader laugh, cry, wince with dread, burst into a smile. I’m someone who’s always struggled a bit with understanding other people, but I think writing is my best tool for connecting with others. 

E.L. Deards – 16 June 2023

The Back Flap

A decade has passed since Lucas Connolly lost his best friend—and the only man he’s ever loved—in World War I, but he still can’t shake his guilt over Jamie’s death. In fact, ever since losing Jamie, Lucas has heard his friend’s voice inside his head—confused about what happened to him, begging him for help. And now, suddenly, it’s not just Jamie’s voice anymore; now, a specter who looks and acts exactly like Jamie did before his death, and who is demanding answers from Lucas about what happened to him, has begun to haunt him.

Concerned about Lucas’s deteriorating mental state, his friend Angela encourages him to move on with his life, and even sets him up with a coworker whom she suspects is also gay. But Lucas is too consumed with the secret he still keeps about the part he played in Jamie’s death to even begin to form a healthy connection with someone new—and as Jamie’s ghost begins to recover his memories and get closer to the truth, Lucas’s obsession only deepens.

Ultimately, Lucas realizes that his only path forward is to first go backward—that only in examining his troubled youth, facing his deepest self, and shining a light on the shadowed parts of his past will he finally be able to set his old friend, and himself, free.

About the book

What is the book about?

Wild with All Regrets is about Lucas Connolly, a gay World War I veteran struggling with the death of his best friend Jamie, for whom he harbored a secret and unrequited love.  The work is told out of chronological order, with each chapter exploring a different period of Lucas’ life.  The timelines start merging together and the cause of Lucas’ mental pathology becomes clear.

When did you start writing the book?

2017 or 2018 probably.

How long did it take you to write it?

I had a full draft after maybe three months, but then it took me about two years to edit it properly.

Where did you get the idea from?

Basically, my favorite literary character of all time was killed off in a way I couldn’t quite come to terms with.  This book started out as a way for me to explore his death, how it made me feel, and then the characters sort of evolved into their own people with their own story.

Were there any parts of the book where you struggled?

I love Lucas.  He is very close to my heart, but he doesn’t make very good choices.  There were parts of this book that were very painful and visceral for me to write.

What came easily?

The flow of the narrative, even out of chronological order, came easily.  I had a very clear idea about who Lucas and Jamie were and they more or less wrote themselves.

Are your characters entirely fictitious or have you borrowed from real world people you know?

Lucas and Jamie are VERY loosely based off of the characters I mentioned earlier, but that was just a starting point.  They’ve absolutely evolved into their own people.  Any resemblance to real people is entirely coincidental.

We all know how important it is for writers to read. Are there any particular authors that have influenced how you write and, if so, how have they influenced you?

Kazuo Ishiguro and Jamie O’Neill.  Theirs were some of the first works which every really made me feel while I was reading.  That’s always been an important goal for me, making my reader laugh, cry, wince with dread, burst into a smile.  I’m someone who’s always struggled a bit with understanding other people, but I think writing is my best tool for connecting with others.

Do you have a target reader?

Someone who wants an emotional, visceral read.  Someone who enjoys LGBT stories, or psychological explorations of mental illness.

About Writing

Do you have a writing process? If so can you please describe it?

I just write.  I have a basic idea in my head, skeletons of characters, and I just sit down and write.  Normally I’ll have a concrete goal for a session, like a chapter or 1000 words, but I find that the stories just come.  Normally I go for a long walk by the canal, then set up shop at a local cafe.  I put on a moody playlist, order a chai, and just write.

Do you outline? If so, do you do so extensively or just chapter headings and a couple of sentences?

Not really, I have an outline after I’ve written it to keep track of everything (like what happens in each chapter).

Do you edit as you go or wait until you’ve finished?

I wait until I’m done with a draft, otherwise I’d never finish anything.

Did you hire a professional editor?

Yes I did.  This was my first novel and I honestly didn’t know what I was doing.  Up until this book I’d mostly just been writing for fun, and I think during that time I honed my craft..ish.  My editor helped me identify areas for improvement, but also highlighted some of my strengths which empowered me to lay it on thicker in those areas.  For example inserting dark humor, or the way I write dialogue.

Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what gets the fingers tapping?

Yes, always.  I try to stick with music without lyrics as this is less distracting, so sound track music is always a safe bet.  As for what gets the fingers tapping, I try and find something that fits the mood of the chapter I’m writing and use that to spur me on.  For example right now Spotify is trying to make me have a chilled out rainy day writing session.

About Publishing

Did you submit your work to Agents?

Yes, sooooooo many agents.

What made you decide to go Indie, whether self-publishing or with an indie publisher? Was it a particular event or a gradual process?

Part of it was my frustration with the traditional publishing market.  I think WWAR is great- it’s different, it’s unique, it’s weird.  It’s not a beach book, it’s not simple, it’s not really that easy to market (unfortunately).  I went with a hybrid publisher because they believed in my vision and were more willing to take a chance on a story that’s off the beaten track, but ultimately I think should be shared with the world.

Did you get your book cover professionally done or did you do it yourself?

The lovely team at She Writes did the cover for me, and I think they did a brilliant job.

Do you have a marketing plan for the book or are you just winging it?

I’m completely rubbish at marketing and self promotion (can you tell?), so I’ve got the team at SparkPoint Studio helping with that.  It’s been a very good decision, I’m so fortunate to have them advocating for me and my work.  I can’t imagine navigating the promotional marketing world alone.

Any advice that you would like to give to other newbies considering becoming Indie authors?

Keep writing.  Hone your craft, get better and better every day.  Send your books to beta readers, editors, try and find your strengths and weaknesses.  Be the best you can be, but try not to feel bad if it doesn’t click.  This is an extremely competitive, impersonal, and frustrating field, and it doesn’t reflect poorly on you if you struggle to find success.  A lot of it is luck, or who you know, or the current trending genre.

About You

Where did you grow up?

I grew up in Manhattan!  Typical city kid, going to plays and museums and never learning to drive.

Where do you live now?

Manchester England.  The worst thing about living in Manchester is that if you tell people you live there they ask you if you like City or United, and I frankly don’t care about either.

What would you like readers to know about you?

I’m actually a veterinarian in real life! My passion is small animal surgery, and I’m working to become a specialist in that field one day.  I’m an autistic woman and writing is such an important part of my life.  It’s how I escape from the challenges of medical work, explore humanity, and express myself creatively.  I’m also pretty nervous about putting my writing out there, and I really hope that it resonates with some of you.

What are you working on now?

My new book, To Hell and Back!  It’s completely different from Wild with All Regrets— it’s a fantasy work about a pair of two con artist demon exorcists who go around scamming the people of their nation… until one of them gets possessed for real.  I’m submitting that to agents at the moment, so in theory you might get to read it sometime in 2037.  (Or sooner, I hope).

End of Interview:

For more from E.L. Deards, visit her website and follow her on Instagram and Twitter.

Get your copy of Wild with All Regrets from Amazon US or Amazon UK.